So, im gonna try to lay out a timeline here. Ill start from the beggining of when i knew him.
First we were friends, then we were really good friends, then he was my stalker, then he moved away and we're BEST friends now.
I was in seventh grade, and i met him in gym class. He was and still is a really weird dude. He came up and said hi, and of course i knew right then and there that we were gonna be great friends. Im like a magnet to weird ppl, and im totally happy to be. He talked really fast like a girly girl, but he was a guy. We ended up going on this field trip in seventh grade, and on the bus on the way there he really opened up to me. He told me that his parents both died of heart attacks, and he had a sex change when he was in elementary school. He told me that this kind of thing is what happens when ur foster parents don't care enough to know whats best for u. He said that he moved and lived with some other foster parents because he regretted the sex change and partially blamed his old foster parents for the decision. He told me that his current foster parents were lesbians, and he chose them because he thot heed fit in with them better.
So we were close friends for a while, and then rumors started. People were so convinced that we were going out, but we never were. Since he was really really weird and girlish, people started saying that since i slept with him, i wud sleep with anybody. (for the record, i never slept with ANYBODY. still a virgin and proud to be one!) So being friends with him automatically turned me into a slut in the eyes of some of my classmates. Not fun. Anyway, middle school turned into a nightmare, and at one point i refused to make out with this other guy in my home base, so then he asked me if it was because i was going out with rainbow. I said no, so naturally he started spreading around that rainbow and i were friends with benefits. So at this point i was even more of a slut. Its so weird that a rumor like that was spreading around when i was known to be a goody-two-shoes and a teachers pet.
The rumors basically were that
- he was gay
- i was going out with him (don't ask me how that works)
- i was a slut
- i was a goody-two-shoes (yeah that doesn't really work either)
So after the rumors really got going and my self esteem hit rock bottom, i started to separate myself from him, something i still can't forgive myself for. i stopped talking to him and i avoided him at all costs. I soon figured out that i was his only friend when he started saving seats at lunch for me, always right beside him, and the rumors got even worse since i always ended up sitting next to him at lunch. He didn't care cuz he was used to rumors, being as incredibly weird as he was, and pretty much started stalking me. He followed me around at every opportunity he had, and he was pretty fun to be around, but the more he followed me around, the worse the rumors got. I realize now that those rumors shoudn't have gotten to me at all, but u have to understand what low self esteem does to u and the way it makes u interpret things.
So those horrible middle school years ended and he moved away because if he went to the high school in our county, he was going to get beat up. He goes to a much better high school now in a different part of maryland and does just fine. Both of our self esteems have shot up during the transition to high school, and we still keep in touch over AIM. I realize now that he was one of my only real friends during middle school.
One day i was talking to him, right after he moved, and he told me he was gay. I had to be supportive at that particular time because he was really opening up to me again, but one thing bugged me. I couldn't figure out why he didn't come out during middle school and spare us both all of the rumors. All of the jerks that were spreading them already were convinced he was gay, and everybody else wouldn't have cared. One time middle school came up in a conversation, and i just asked him why he didn't just come out during middle school. He told me that he still didn't know if he was gay or straight or bi at the time because he had a crush on me. He liked me enough to question his orientation one final time. I asked him them why doesn't he call himself bi. He said that he probably was, but said that he knew he leaned far enough to the "gay side" to know that any crush on a girl wouldn't be strong enough to interfere with anything in his life, but plenty have guys have already altered his life for the better. He said that i was the only girl that he had liked that changed his life, but he still didn't like me as much as most of the guys he has liked. I just have to trust that he knows himself now, because just a couple of years before, he was still figuring himself out.
The whole time we were in middle school, he was skater, guy-liner and all. Now hes gone preppy over some dude and if i lived anywhere near him, i wud be running to his house and shooting him! (jkjk) He wears hollister now and he even changed his guy-liner to PURPLE!!! He told me that he was like a big gay colorful rainbow, and after laughing my guts out, i decided that rainbow just had to be his codename for this blog. After almost having a heart attack, i thot about telling him to dump the guy, but then i thot if he went prep over him, he must really like him. He sent me a pic of the dude, and he was HOTT. After telling him that i got why he went preppy and that i was so jealous to the point of anger, i constantly reminded him that i hated him. I still tell him that when he talks about his bf, and i know that he must be doing just fine in his high school to have a bf like that...
So anyway, now we're best friends and we talk all the time. I miss him so much, but i know that i can always call him or IM him when i really miss him. I have to ask him if he has a cell phone to see if i can text him, but i know ill never stop talking to him as long as im in high school. Ill even try really really hard to keep in touch when i go to college. I'll never forget that he was my best friend who got me through the worst two years of my life, even if i didn't know it then. I love him like a brother and he'll always be there for me, the same way ill always be there for him.
*hugs*
~MC signing out
No comments:
Post a Comment