crap.

Oh my gosh i hurt lulu.  I knew it was gonna happen eventually because she's so amazing and she's not afraid to feel.  And my dysfunctional emotions and all.  Ack doesn't even cover it.  Urg doesn't even come close.  Um... bleh is my mood right now, but its not how i feel about this.

She hasn't been very happy to see me, and shes not keeping me at arms length exactly but we're not as close.  I want to pull her close again so we're best friends again just like last year, but i know i'm just gonna hurt her again.  And people wonder why i don't date.  No boy could handle me.

I feel so guilty, when i think about it i get this queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that almost hurts.  I wanna throw up almost, but i don't. Thank God.  I think i'll be happier without my lunch springing up on me after i already ate it...  But happy doesn't exactly come anyways.  

If you read this, Lulu, i love you and im so sorry!!! 

*hugs*

~MC signing out <3